If Only
by sweet blossom89
Summary: It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone. But it takes a lifetime to forget someone. And sometimes, it's just impossible [Noze]


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Ned's Declassified. **_

_**Here's a new one-shot I came up with. I hope you guys enjoy it. I've never tried writing something like this, to tell you the truth. There' isn't much dialogue in it, because I wanted it to sound as if someone was telling a story. I sure hope it worked. As always, please review! **_

_This story has been edited. Sorry If there's still a few mistakes! _

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**The first time he had seen her, he had been struck speechless. **

Four-year-old Ned Bigby had been sitting on his front yard, looking curiously at the moving van that had made its way up the next door driveway. Sitting on the grass he had raised his eyes to observe the people who climbed out of the van. First came a man with blond hair, next a woman with long brown hair.

And then he had seen her.

The small girl had crept out carefully of the van, rubbing her eyes sleepily, looking interestedly at her new neighborhood. Her brown hair held into two pigtails, she had reached over to hold onto her mother's hand And then she had spotted him, sitting alone on the yard, as if waiting for someone to join him. She wondered if they could be friends. She already missed her old friends, but her parents had told her that she would make new friends in her new town. So why not start now? Bravely, she let go of her mother and walked timidly over to him.

As she approached, Ned wondered what she was up to. And as she grew closer to him, he timidly looked at her, not knowing what to do or say.

So she took the first step.

"_Hi,"_ she had said, extending her small right hand towards him. _"I'm Jennifer Moseley." _

Ned had eyed her hand, extending his own and shaking hers slightly, introducing himself as Ned Bigby.

"_Can I play with you?"_ she had asked timidly, looking down at the trucks he had been playing with.

He had smiled at her and nodded enthusiastically, glad that he had someone to play with him.

It was like that that everything had started for them. Since that moment on, they had been inseparable. They had spent that summer running around together, having fun, for once glad that they weren't alone. Jennifer had finally accustomed to living in the new neighborhood, and it hadn't been as difficult as she had thought. She and Ned had become the 'bestest' of friends.

They had grown up together, between broken toys, primary school, scraped knees and the afternoon ice cream they always shared. It was in first grade when Ned had nicknamed her Moze, argumenting that there were three Jennifers but only one Moze. They didn't even care that boys and girls weren't supposed to be friends. They spent most of their time together and learned to know each other better than themselves. Over half the time they knew what the other was thinking.

As they started to get older, stargazing became their special activity. They would just lay around in either of their backyards, trying to name the constellations and making wishes upon falling stars. It was then when they could tell each other anything, without the fear of being overheard, and they could talk about whatever they pleased. This brought them even closer.

Simon Nelson Cook, or Cookie, had become their friend in fifth grade when he had moved into town. Their duo had evolved into a trio, and they had the best time together. Cookie and Moze would always come up with a crazy plan that would keep Moze laughing for a long time, and she was often found trying to get them out of the mess they had gotten themselves into that time. But even if they were extremely different and they kept getting into many silly arguments, the three of them made up a sometimes weird, but great group of friends.

It had been in middle school when things had started to change. Moze was no longer only his best friend. Ned had started realizing that she was his _female_ best friend, and that she was beautiful. Sure, he had spent most of his time in middle school chasing after Suzie Crabgrass, but Moze was always by his side, along with Cookie. He was starting to grow up and as new things occupied his mind, he knew just how important his friends had become. It was then he had started the school survival guide that would make him a legend for the generations to come.

He hadn't even noticed any changes in the relationship between him and Moze. That is, until they had kissed.

Yes, they had kissed. Most of the times it had been accidental, or they had been forced into doing it, but part of him knew that he wanted to do it anyways, even when he said that he didn't. And Ned couldn't help but notice new things about Moze after this. For example, how cute she was when she bit her lip in concentration, or how the day seemed to light up when she was around. Suzie had then lain forgotten in his mind then, as he and Moze started to get closer.

_But when had he fallen in love with her? _

Honestly, Ned couldn't respond. He couldn't pinpoint the exact time he realized how beautiful she was, inside and out, and he couldn't tell you when he started loving her. Maybe he had always had, since the first moment he had set his eyes upon her, that morning so many years ago.

The only thing he knew then was that he had to tell Moze. Ned knew that he would eventually burst, and that he couldn't keep it as a secret for much longer. But this presented a great dilemma for him.

_Was it worth risking their friendship? _

Yes it was, he had decided. She was worth taking any risk.

Moze had been oblivious to his feelings, anyways. In fact, she was the only one that still was. Cookie had figured out that Ned had fallen for her long before Ned even had, and everybody else seemed to know just how much he cared for her as well. But he couldn't tell her yet. He had to wait for the right moment.

And it finally arrived.

It was the summer before junior year, and they had been lying quietly on the grass one night, observing the stars, as they always did. That night, for some reason unknown for him, Ned couldn't stop himself from staring at her. She was so beautiful.

She was speaking to him, but he couldn't pay attention to Moze, not really. He had sat up suddenly, surprising her, and she had sat up too, worried. She had turned to face him, worried that she had said something to upset him. She was worried because he had been quieter than usual that night. He wasn't even cracking any jokes, just looking lost in his thoughts.

It was when their eyes connected that Ned knew that he was lost. He couldn't do this anymore; he couldn't hide behind his feelings and let his life continue the way it had so far. So as she started asking him what was wrong, he had interrupted her by placing his lips upon hers.

The world had stopped spinning. Surprised at his actions, Ned had pulled away almost instantly, he started speaking, trying to explain himself, but he was interrupted. It was Moze now that had kissed him.

Once they pulled away, he had finally burst. He told everything. Ned had told Moze how much he loved her, and how he had wanted to be more than friends with her for so long.

Her only response had only been a smile and a kiss.

And Ned had known then she felt the same and that he had wasted all that time not telling her for nothing.

The next two years had been the best in their lives for both of them. They had at last gotten together, and now everything seemed to fall into place. The world suddenly seemed to be brighter to them.

With every day that passed, they fell more in love with each other. Someway or another, Ned let himself believe that they were meant to be together, and that they would always be together. He thought that they were perfect for each other, and he didn't regret anything at all. Even if they were dating, Ned and Moze were over all things, best friends, and this kept them strong, no matter what happened. Sure, they'd had their rough patches and fights as any normal couple, but every time, they came through, knowing that their love was more important than any stupid fight.

They had a great time together. Sometimes they went on dates, and sometimes, they simply spent time together, talking about their lives and futures, knowing that they would be connected. It was these moments when Ned realized why he loved Moze so much. She was a beautiful person, and he always learned something new from her. He knew most importantly, that she had a beautiful soul and that she would never change. He now knew that you didn't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they as person, they were great.

When senior year and graduation came around, they knew that the time for them to separate was coming closer. But they didn't care. They knew that their love would keep them strong and that they would always be together. No matter how far away they were, they would love each other and thought that before they knew it, they would together always.

The night before they left, he gave her a gift that she would cherish forever. Ned had set upon her right hand a beautiful promise ring which she told Ned that she never take off. With this ring, Ned told her that he would always love her, and that he would always hold her close to his heart. He promised never to forget her. He promised that they would spend their lives together.

But as the next year went on, they started drifting apart. They discovered that holding a relationship together when they lived on opposite sides of the country wasn't easy. Without realizing it, they stopped talking. Instead of talking on the phone several times a week as they had before, and meeting for the holidays, then they barely talked to each other once a month and almost never saw each other. Without meaning to, they had forgotten how much they loved each other.

And as time went on, they couldn't go on with it. They decided that the best thing for them would be to break up. So they did, neither of them thinking about what would happen after that.

At the beginning, after they had broken up, Ned had tried to kid himself, telling himself that he would get over her quickly, that he didn't care. He told himself that there was nothing he could do. He lied telling himself that they weren't destined to be together, that they had done everything they could to stay together, but it simply hadn't worked. He reminded himself that in life, they were no happily ever afters. He thought he no longer loved her.

He even tried dating other girls, and for awhile, it turned out well. He really thought he had forgotten her. But he soon learned that what everyone said was true. It really took a lifetime to forget someone you loved so deeply.

And he still loved her with every little part of his heart. But he couldn't do anything now. It was too late—five years had passed without him even being able to speak a word to her. But things had changed.

She was present in his memories every single day.. Her smile, her laugh, her scent, everything seemed more endearing as time moved on. Had it really been so long since he held her hand, since he'd caressed her hair? Had it really been so long since the last time he had actually seen her, spoken to her? When she had smiled she had had his undivided attention. When she had laughed she had had his urge to laugh with her. When she had cried she had had his urge to hold you. When she said that she loved him, she had had Ned's heart forever. And now she was gone.

There wasn't a day in his life in which he didn't regret trying harder. Surely there was something he could have done. If only he'd tried to talk to Moze. If only he had transferred to her university. If only he hadn't chickened out every time he had tried to call her. If only he had been willing to admit then that he couldn't live without her. If only he'd listened to his heart.

Ned knew things would have ended up entirely different.

How Ned wished he could turn back time, tell her everything he knew now. How he wanted to keep himself from making the mistakes he had made. Ever present in his dreams, she reminded him of everything he could have had.

It had been ages since he had last seen her, and Moze probably didn't remember anything. And she probably didn't care. Ned wished he could say the same. She probably had some one else now. Someone who appreciated her more that he ever did, someone who deserved someone as great as her. Someone who knew that love required sacrifice, and that was willing to do anything for her. He had lost his chance.

And when he'd given up all hope, fate reminded him that everything was possible.

He hadn't expected to see her again. Last he heard from Cookie, with whom he kept close contact with, Moze was at some third world country working as a volunteer, after graduating from college. And once she was back home, she lived on the other side of the country. Ned thought the only way he could e could really see her now was through his memories.

That summer, he had gone back to visit his mom. Because it was summer, school was out, and he was free of his school-counseling job for a few weeks. Deciding it wouldn't hurt to go back home, he had packed his bags and returned to the place where everything had started. Maybe this was what he really needed to get over her. He hadn't expected to be hit by an on-slaughter of memories once he had put a foot in his house. Really, that night, he had only been walking around the streets, reminiscing upon the old good days of high school with Cookie and Moze. In fact, he was so lost in his memories, that at the beginning, he thought that he had been imagining things.

He had rubbed his eyes, willing the images to go away, willing his memory to stop playing tricks on him, reminding him of what he could never have. But as he opened his eyes again, she still stood in front of him, as if the last five years of his life hadn't happened. Most importantly, she was smiling at him expectantly.

Again, as it had happened when he was four, he had been struck silent.

Moze looked beautiful standing under the bright moonlight just as she had the first time he had ever kissed. Her face hadn't changed much, she was still the same old, lovely Moze he remembered, and he wanted to run over and kiss her senseless. But he knew that this would only complicate things again. He had already lost her. Why did life have to be so cruel?

Instead, his gaze settled on her once more, and he was surprised to see that she was walking slowly towards him.

He opened his mouth to speak, his heart beating a mile per minute, but no words came out. Ned had dreamt of this moment for years now. He would walk up to her confidently, facing his fears and tell her, _"Just so you know, there's a space that only you can fill. Just so you know, I loved you then, and I guess I always will."_

But now that the moment was here there was nothing he could do but stare amazedly at her. And as she got closer, he started trembling so much from the excitement that it really was a wonder that he was still standing. But he noticed something peculiar.

The old familiar sparkle was still settled upon her right hand.

Could it be possible?

And again, as she had done that time so many years before, she opened her mouth to speak at his inability to form any words. Smiling this time, she had locked her brown eyes with his blue ones, as if trying to convey a message. Slowly, and confidently, she told him what she was thinking.

"_You're supposed to say 'Will you marry me?'" _

And he did.


End file.
